What are you becoming…Bitter or Better?

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I know what you are thinking?

God, again a sad article.

Don’t worry it is not a sad one.

Though,

I don’t understand why people have a problem with sadness.

Have you seen the movie Inside Out?

Sadness, Fear, Joy, Disgust, and Anger they are all part of our basic nature. But it is weird that people only want to see Joy, only 20% of human behavior for the rest 80%, no one is interested to know, to talk or to see that part.

But,

Why am I talking about Inside out or 5 emotions of a human when the title says Better or Bitter?

Because

This is how we respond to most of the situation we face in our life and all these emotions are connected to our response.

Either we become better or we become bitter.

It is fascinating that the only difference is“I” and that changes the whole meaning of a word.

And that changes the whole meaning of the world.

Recently one of my friends faced heartbreak and she went through days and months of chaotic events and turbulence of restless thoughts. It was tough to see her like that and I was trying to make her understand all the stuff you can tell a person in emotional pain.

When we face painful situations, which can be via heartbreak, the death of loved ones, mistreatment physically or mentally, financially broke, failed relationships, there are many; our first response is either anger or tears. Some people are capable of not showing any of them but most of them like me and my friend are not capable of hiding.

If we share with other people (if they care) they try to make us feel better, we want to feel better ASAP. We go out with friends, we watch movies, we drink, we smoke (some of us do drugs), we shop but what we forget, we are just avoiding the pain which is there. We avoid to feel upset, to be sad even though its a part of processing a painful trauma.

Why do we avoid?

Because no one wants to see a sad face (at least not more than for one day) and we want to show the world that we are cool, we are strong and we are okay.

Why does it so important to show the world, the world in which only 1.333333e-8 percentage(It is a very small number) of people care to listen, or have empathy for you?

(I took 10 number of people to do the above calculation, even 10 is more.)

Why do you have to post every “Happy” thing about you and your life on Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat or WhatsApp?

Why are you living less and showing more?

You won’t be dying thinking,

“Yes, I have shown the world all my happy life, how cool my life was. I have shown my ex, my enemy, my so-called friends that I have lived a good life. And now I can die peacefully.”

NO, You will not think that.

You will think about a few people and you will think about making them happy and you will think about being with them in your last moment.

And if you pay attention to people who really matters you will be able to express your pain to them. They will actually allow you to be you even though you are sad or mad or confused.

See,

The basic nature of human is to be happy. We all crave happiness but we don’t want to embrace the sadness which is also inside of us.

“You can’t connect to joy if you don’t resolve your issues with sadness”

And when we avoid dealing with sadness, we show anger, we show disgust, we show fear. And trust me they are just adrenaline rush which will make you feel better for a moment but you can’t live with them for 24*7.

It is always easy to show anger and bitter part of your side than showing the vulnerable side.

You respond with anger toward the person, towards the world when things don't go according to you. And behind that anger, there is fear. The fear of showing your vulnerability, the fear of abandoned by people, fear of getting hurt again.

That is why it is just easy to curse, say something hurtful or sarcastic and think like you are strong enough to deal and you are moving on.

And your anger matures into bitterness slowly without even realizing.

Do you know the cost of being bitter?

1. It will prevent you from experiencing the potential joys of life

2. It will prevent you to cultivate a healthy stable relationship. You won’t be able to connect with people easily.

3. It will deepen your perspective of being skeptical, cynicism, futility, and unhappiness.

4. It will weaken your immune system.

5. It will affect you physically by a headache, insomnia, back pain, high BP, abdominal conditions. (Been there)

6. You forget your responsibility and your existence towards life.

It might seem unreal but they all are scientifically proven.

You think that by hating the person or the world will help you to move on but you don’t realize that your tethering yourself to that person with a more stronger and toxic bond.

Do you know the antidote of this venomous ambiguity?

Sharing, Patience, and Forgiveness.

First, share with yourself. How are you feeling and why are you feeling in that way. Be honest about it. Are you really angry or you are just hurt and you are sad?

Then share with anyone who can listen and understand you. Express yourself, if you don’t have anyone write a letter or record your voice whatever you want to say, whatever you are feeling. (I do that, it does help) (Don’t send the letters and recording)

Second, just give yourself time to process. Be patience. Don’t rush to become all entertaining, cool and happy. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Allow yourself to express. To be sad. To be vulnerable. (Fuck the thought that the world doesn’t want to see a sad face. Believe me, 99.99% of your present world won’t exist after a few years)

Last but not least, Forgive!

Forgive others and Forgive yourself.

Forgiveness feels like you are doing a favor to others but it is actually a favor to yourself. You can say it is one selfish act which gives you a win-win result.

I have a habit of forgiving others but not myself (not easily). I know there are more people like me. I want to tell all these people, just tell yourself.

“It is okay Dear Me. You did what you felt right or maybe you just without thinking. If you know what you did, was wrong or shouldn't have done, that is enough. Remember, you are a good person and it is totally human to make mistakes. I forgive you. I forgive myself.”

(You understand that I am not talking about forgiving yourself after a serious criminal or damaging activity. Right?)

Then forgive others.

Don’t turn the good in you into something which will steal all the joy you can feel.

Bitter experiences, wrongdoings, heartbreaks are the part of life so are the happy moments, smile, love, compassion, friendship, family.

Easier said than done, but it is not impossible to live life without being bitter. You have the power to chose the way you want to feel. You can turn the suffering into a sunrise. I am not saying it will come right away but you will see it with time.

Another thing you can do to see your painful experiences and life in different perspectives by watching good movies(e.g. Silver lining playbook), you can read books, or you can listen to songs as I do.

I listen to this song whenever I get scared or sad with life. I hope you find the same meaning of lyrics which I get from this song.

I hope, With every broken bone, you can swear you lived!

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Writer. Courageous to share the most feared thoughts. A storyteller on Love, Life, Depression, Women, and Entertainment, Humanity and Technology.

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Devanshi Singh.

Devanshi Singh.

Writer. Courageous to share the most feared thoughts. A storyteller on Love, Life, Depression, Women, and Entertainment, Humanity and Technology.